Truth and Intimacy: The Classified Files

HAPPY FOUR YEARS TO US!

2011-04-28T10:51:00.000-05:00

Today marks our 4th year of marriage. Not four amazingly easy years, but four years of leaning on God and following His plan for marriage. It takes day-by-day trying and praying but we've made it this far by faith.

Celebrate with us by purchasing a copy of our special marriage building tool, TRUTH AND INTIMACY: A COUPLE'S JOURNAL book. Order in the sidebar. God bless and keep you all!

Today's Assignment

2011-04-26T07:14:00.001-05:00

For today, we give you a simple assignment. If you read this too late over in the evening, then use it for tomorrow.

Commit yourself to complimenting three things about your spouse, sincerely taking in their reaction. Don't just rattle something off. Put some thought into it and compliment three things that really impress you or that you've found attractive in your mate. For this assignment, no physical compliments. We'll get to those later. Have fun!

2011-04-20T11:09:00.001-05:00

What does commitment mean if it isn't tried? Unfortunately, most of us make commitments based upon favorable circumstances. That's common. It can be found anywhere. But marriage isn't for those who cannot endure tough times. Commitment is a promise that remains in place rather times are good or bad, prosperous or skim, rather in times of health or illness, times of boredom or excitement. Commitment isn't commitment if it cannot endure trials.

In these times, everyone is looking for someone to believe in them, to witness their lives, to understand their pain, to share in their joys and stand beside them when all others run away. That is supposed to be the beauty of marriage. Today, renew your commitment with your mate. Don't wait on some ceremony or big date. Do it now and do it everyday. Don't see yourself as a lone person anymore. See yourself as part of an entity much larger and greater than you and stay fully invested in it.

If you need more encouragement, pick up a copy of our book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal in the sidebar or on Amazon.com. We look forward to helping other couples and to all feedback. God bless!

Do Your First Works AGAIN

2011-04-18T12:00:00.001-05:00

Do you remember the times when you sent each other love letters, texts, emails or all of the above? In the beginning, you sat around and thought of things to do to impress your amante, your lover. You wanted to please him/her. You wanted to win the heart and the mind of this person. What happened?

Did you allow life to come in and rob you of your romantic connection with your spouse? Did hard times steal the joy from your relationship? It doesn't have to remain that way. It's never too late to pick up where you left off, even if it does feel awkward and out-of-place. Just like in the beginning, you can choose to make your lover's thoughts and feelings important again. You can choose to please the person you share your bed with in new ways. It's really just a choice, albeit a difficult one if it has been awhile since you two shared that kind of bonding. Nevertheless, don't let it be said that you had the tools to work your marriage out yet refused to use them.

If you hadn't already, use the ordering link in the sidebar and get a copy of our marriage book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal, and be blessed with encouraging techniques to improve your relationship today!

Growing Together

2011-04-15T14:03:00.000-05:00

Marriage isn't something that automatically happens. It's something that has to be worked at daily. And even though I use the word "work", that does not mean that it's all bad. If you've married someone, some kind of bond had to have been established beforehand. With marriage, you are simply doing what you were doing and learning about each other to keep that bond growing stronger, deeper and more meaningful.

Don't let your marriage suffer from laziness. Choose to listen, to learn, to share, to care, to nurture and to grow together by going back to your first works - wooing and romancing, talking and laughing together.

My husband is my best friend. We share everything, even the painful stuff. And through the good and bad, we grow together.

Room to Grow

2011-02-27T07:45:00.001-06:00

There are times when relationships change. Because people are mutable, relationships by default are too. Things change, but that doesn't mean you can't protect your marriage in the midst of those changes that occur.

As you move through life together with your mate, remember that your spouse is human. That person is changing, evolving as lessons are learned and situations happen. Give your mate room to grow and choose to grow with them. Don't get so comfortable in the relationship that you begin to take your spouse for granted, assuming everything will always be how it has always been. Rather, look for the opportunities to share growth together. Share in all times, good and bad. This is the makings of a good marriage!

Relationships Need

2011-02-16T18:41:00.000-06:00

Relationships need to be fed. Relationships need watering which means that the rain has to fall sometimes. Relationships also need sunshine which means it is imperative that you smile and laugh together and at each other sometimes. Relationships need to evolve, which means some things need to stay loose, maneuverable, etc.

Let your relationships have room to grow and expand, but know there are times it will feel like it is contracting and that's okay too.

Married but Separate

2011-01-05T16:06:00.000-06:00

Today's thought is just a few quick lines to make married couples reflect upon their marriage vows.

Some people are married in every sense of the word. Others are married legally but separate in every meaningful way as it concerns oneness. Most divorces that happen in the courtroom are just prolonged extensions of a separation that happened long before the couple would admit they have a problem. And still some are about as useless as a wooden nickel because the couple never accepted each other fully and hence were never truly married.

If you're going to be married, listen to and ponder your vows. Keep them at the front of your heart and mind. Be married to one another in every sense of the word.

Truth and Intimacy Testimonial

2010-08-23T12:08:00.000-05:00

We received another testimonial of our book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal. Please read below and feel free to share it on your blog, website or social networking site.

My husband and I were on the brink of divorce. I am so happy I heard about your book on Facebook through a mutual friend. We were both a little reluctant so we skilled all the reading and headed straight to the back where the interactive exercises were. After the second one, we discovered a whole lot of misconceptions about one another. We went back and read the book, doing one chapter a day and trying to apply it. Things improved by day 10, chapter 10. Now that we've completed the book, we have a new understanding and a closer marriage. Great book. ~ Shirley, a Facebook user

Embracing the Person

2010-08-21T11:34:00.000-05:00

A couple that refuses to accept one another as they currently stand is a couple destined for rocky roads. An embrace is empty if you are embracing an idea yet to come rather than the person actually before you.

It is imperative for the health of your relationship that you learn to fully love, fully accept and fully support the person you married. If he/she is to become anyone greater, it will be inspired and fueled by unadulterated love and belief in your mate.

Beautiful Qualities

2010-08-10T12:00:00.001-05:00

When was the last time you took a moment to study the beauty of your spouse? I don't mean the physical only. Maybe your spouse is the most patient person you know; maybe the funniest person you know; maybe the most loyal and devoted person you know; maybe the most humble; maybe the trustworthiest; maybe the sweetest; maybe the most giving person. Whatever those beautiful qualities are, take a moment to appreciate them and then tell them so.

Oneness in Sharing

2010-08-08T16:50:00.000-05:00

Marriage is most beautiful when shared among two people who are honest enough with one another as to share their weaknesses and fears. When that happens, you witness two people who are absolutely one because they've chosen to trust one another with something I can hardly trust themselves with. The deeper we share, the closer we become. Don't be guilty of sharing more of you with outsiders than with your own spouse. Begin building that oneness today by sharing yourselves with one another.

Value of Commitment

2010-07-28T06:23:00.002-05:00

Love cannot be truly summed up in emotions alone. Emotions are great, but there'll be times in a relationship when you won't feel the heat of passion or desire to cuddle and hold hands. There will be times when the stress of life might overshadow the romantic feelings of marriage. Does that mean the thrill is gone and you need to go with it? Heck no!

We need to understand the value of commitment. Commitment is precious because it is an institution that operates outside of feelings. It is an issue of will. You have to have a made up mind to keep your marriage healthy in order to survive the ebb and flow of relationships and emotions, hardships and mishaps. A simple prayer to start your day with could be:

Father God, give me the ability to see my spouse the way you see them today, to love them how you love them today, to minister to them as if ministering to you today, and to forgive them like you have forgiven me today.

Longevity in Love and Commitment

2010-07-26T08:07:00.001-05:00

There are billions of people in the world. All of us with our dreams, goals, heartaches, fears, doubts, hopes and beliefs. And in all this huge world, the beauty of love and marriage and longevity in them is that two people commit to one another without regard to whatever else may be out there. That's beautiful!

Further, commitment and love allows you to finally have someone to live with you as the person you truly are. There are no blinders. There are no airs. The gloves are off. You and this person live, love, know and hope together. You suffer together. You prosper together. You celebrate one another when success comes. You cry with one another when failure happens, and then swiftly lend your hand to help pick one another up. You witness the greatest parts of life. You witness the worst parts of life. Ultimately, you become one another. THAT is a beautiful marriage.

At the end of the day, what someone looks like, what they drive, how much money they make and all the other superficial things we look at are not as important as we think they are. Choose your partner wisely, but after you've decided, don't allow hell or high water to divide you if it is within your power to avoid it.

Victorious Marriages

2010-07-24T07:08:00.000-05:00

Victorious marriages are those who endure hardships and even through shakiness manage to come out on top. No marriage is without its hardships because this life can be uncertain. Looking for a perfect relationship is foolish. Instead, we should focus on perfecting our imperfect relationships by focusing on love and understanding, the foundation of a healthy relationship.

For my husband and I, our relationship with God has been the glue that holds us together when everything else seemed to be shaky and unstable. From there, we had to learn how to love one another and make special efforts to understand one another. It's so easy to fall into selfishness and self-righteousness, but a victorious marriage is one where both parties make every effort to consider one another in all things whether present or absent from one another.

If you want a victorious marriage, the first step is to step outside yourself and focus on understanding the person in front of you, the one you vowed to love and honor for life.

Heavenly and Earthly Relationships

2010-07-23T18:16:00.000-05:00

Not everyone is fortunate to get into the right relationship the first time. That does not mean you have to give up hope in God's ability to make the right match. Often, our problem is we don't acknowledge God while building our relationships. Don't forget your heavenly relationship while building your earthly ones.

Do It a Little Different

2010-06-10T08:24:00.001-05:00

The world is a serious place and living is serious business, but God still made room for us to enjoy life and each other. Today, make a decision to let something go undone so that you can remind your spouse of why they fell in love with you in the first place. Sneak up on them and surprise them with a back rub, a foot massage, a love letter or something. Wear their favorite color, favorite perfume/cologne, or play your favorite songs. Get back to the basics, to when your love was fresh and new. Do something different.

The Arms of Love

2010-06-08T08:10:00.002-05:00

Some of you are wondering about the picture and why I chose it for this post. What you are seeing is maybe a tough guy, but what I see are the arms that comfort and protect me.

The other night as I laid in bed weeping silently trying not to disturb my husband's rest, I suddenly felt those huge arms encircle me and those big hands reach up in the dark to touch my tears and wipe them away. And he whispered to me, I am right here with you. I'm not going anywhere. He slowly began to rock me to soothe me as best he could and he prayed for me while I laid there helpless. My tears covered his arm and not once did he attempt to wipe them off. He just continued to hold me. I didn't say thank you. I didn't say I needed this. I didn't say a word, but my heart was saying I need you to be strong for me right now. Thank you for holding me because I feel so alone in this pain. My heart was afloat in love and gratefulness. It was as if I was being held by him and by God. And it hit me, this is what love and marriage are all about. It's about unity. It is about witnessing each others' lives. It is about comforting one another, partnering together, weathering storms, growing stronger together.

Thank you, God, for a wonderful man who represents you well. I ask only that I may do the same in this marriage. That my love for him will be so pure that he'll see and feel you in it. AMEN!

Beauty, Wonders and Triumphs of Marriage

2010-06-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, the beauty of marriage is lost in the day to day drudgery of life. We allow the work of marriage to drown out the wonders of marriage. We focus too hard on the trials of marriage to see the triumphs of marriage.

In marriage, you must remember that you agreed to be united to someone else. You agreed to leave selfishness for selflessness, to leave singleness and become part of an entity, a single entity that is composed of three parts- husband, wife and God. Trying to make a marriage without any of the three components is difficult, if not impossible.

Marriage is a splendid entity in and of itself. That two people in this world of billions can find each other, single each other out and discover love and passion is unbelievable. That two people in a world filled with bitterness, cruelty and hatefulness can trust in their love is miraculous. That two people can hang on in a society that feeds on lust, betrayal, adultery, fornication, lewdness, independence, freedom from anything that is difficult, a society that says chase happiness at any cost, that any two people make it through those things is the most beautiful thing in the world.

You don't have to be married 10, 20, or 50 years to enjoy and celebrate and feel like you've accomplished something. Getting married was an accomplishment. Loving each other was an accomplishment. Each day that you survive the wilderness of life together is an accomplishment. I have seven years of relationship with my husband, only three of which we've shared in the bonds of matrimony and I believe that small amount of time is too large for me to give up on him, on me, on us, on the power of God, and on the potential we have as a couple. The beauty of our marriage is in the fact that it is flawed with the glorious and inglorious, yet it is not destroyed or devalued. It increases in value as we engage in battle with and prevail over the temptations that arise to threaten the union, the entity that is bigger than either of us, yet composed of us.

Your marriage is beautiful. Treat it with respect and reverence. Love your love that is shared enough to protect it. And when it seems too heavy for you to hold, trust in the master of your entity- GOD.

The Odds of Coupling

2010-05-05T06:17:00.001-05:00

Have you ever stopped to think how hard coupling is on a spiritual level? What are the odds of two people connecting with one another when there is stiff competition on both sides to win one or both of the people in the relationship?

When you see it for what it is, those of us who find a suitable mate that truly loves us and wants to commit only to us are truly blessed. Don't take your miracle for granted because your spouse is your miracle and your partner for life. Just something to chew on.

April Showers, May Flowers

2010-05-01T05:46:00.001-05:00

It is said that April showers bring May flowers.

Even in marriage, things are no different. Sometimes, you have to go through rough patches, but it is in times of turmoil or heaviness that you find the companionship that much sweeter, the touches that much gentler, and the hugs that much more enduring. Hard times can grow your bond together exponentially. Don't run from hard issues in life. Embrace one another and let it grow you both together. Let the rain bring you flowers of joy and togetherness.

Manic Monday- Don't Be Overwhelmed

2010-04-26T08:28:00.000-05:00

Well, it's another Monday. The work week is starting for many. The weekend rushed by in a blur and you may have a tendency to feel overwhelmed.

When you are overwhelmed, your family can see it in your actions and hear it in your voice. Try something new today. Take a moment and breathe through it, and if you need help, kindly ask your spouse or even your child, co-worker or friends for assistance.

What Happy Couples Discuss

2010-04-24T08:05:00.001-05:00

I was rambling through Yahoo and found a very interesting post about what happy couples talk about. Certainly it isn't people, though a certain amount of the past should be shared, including some of the uncomfortable stuff about exes.

I'd love to know what your thoughts are on this article. Follow this link.

Those Blah Moments

2010-04-23T07:37:00.000-05:00

All marriages have those blah moments when everything seems boring and mundane. In fact, that's just life. Married and not, you'll have those moment. The key is to remember it is only a moment you're having. There's no need to argue about the boredom or try to place blame. Just know that it won't always be that way. The better way to spend your energy is thinking of some inexpensive of free things you and your spouse can share together.

Prepare for Marriage

2010-04-20T22:56:00.000-05:00

Marriage is not something that is for everybody at any time in their lives. In other words, it is something that needs to be prepared for. Too many jump into marriage just because they love one another. But it takes a level of dedication to make a marriage last that frankly too few exercise.

If you're considering marriage, then the first thing you need to do is take a good look at your life and make sure that you're ready to have another person in it full time, not from the perspective of loneliness, but from the perspective of responsibilities.

Exercise of Today - SHARING

2010-04-18T19:43:00.000-05:00

Today's exercise is sharing. No, we're not talking about sharing items. We're talking about sharing secrets. Think of one thing your spouse doesn't know about you that may be funny or embarrassing or even painful and share that with them. It's amazing how close you feel to the people you share your secrets with.

Single Married People

2010-04-10T06:44:00.000-05:00

Maybe I should have called it Married Single People. I'm sure you catch my drift.

There are tons of marriages, but many times the people in the marriage are not married. They are still single. They are still looking for another mate on a subconscious level. Maybe they've found something unsavory or undesireable in their mate. And not knowing it, they are now looking for what they want in a mate while already being married. This is dangerous, but the first step to overcoming it is to admit you are not happy and you are not satisfied.

The second thing is to find out how you and your mate can work together to remedy the situation. Marriage is a partnership. Never forget that.

What is Marriage

2010-04-01T12:40:00.001-05:00

What is marriage if it isn't a combination of two people? Marriage is all about unity and a marriage without unity is not a marriage. It isn't even a partnership.

Comparison Can Kill

2010-01-27T08:14:00.001-06:00

Relationships are not all created equal. Therefore, it is foolish for us to compare our relationships with those of others. Perfect example: my best friend and I are a WHOLE lot alike, but we are not the same. Our husbands are not the same, and it would be foolish for me to try to transform my husband into hers because of how cohesive her relationship appears to be. As an individual woman, she has individual needs and her husband is suited to fit those needs. Same with me.

I'm convinced that more relationships would work out if we stop looking outside them in an effort to piece together the "perfect" man. He doesn't exist and neither does the perfect woman, but I do believe we can learn to be perfect for one another.

Great Review

2010-01-26T20:50:00.000-06:00

I'm so glad my niece purchased this book for my husband and I. We took two weeks and worked our way through each chapter slowly and methodically. We tested the advice and read the scriptures and stories. Honestly, I feel like our marriage will never be the same and that this book has helped to heal some things I didn't even know was broken.

Elizabeth Paulson, Wisconsin

Reignition

2010-01-01T10:40:00.000-06:00

Today, to reignite the fire of your relationship, try something different. Sit down and ask your mate is there anything you used to do that they loved and you haven't done in awhile. Then give them a taste of newness by bringing it back.

You don't have to allow your romance to age.

Merry Christmas from Lensey and Lacresha Hayes

2009-12-24T08:44:00.000-06:00

Here's wishing you and your family a very merry, and very Christ-centered Christmas. Don't allow the materialism to drown out the best gift a person will ever receive... the gift of love! Relish the love you share and remember no other gift could even compare. Merry Christmas!

The Dangers of Separation

2009-12-08T11:03:00.000-06:00

Marriage is a togetherness that goes beyond friendship and associations. Marriage is a sacred bond that causes two souls to be joined together as one. That joining can sometimes feel rocky, especially if both parties hadn't decided to sacrifice selfishness for the entity called family.

Often times, couples go through difficult times and contemplate separation. In their minds, living together seems intolerable. They figure a little distance might give them both some perspective. At times, it works, but before you separate from your mate, it's best to consider all sides of the scenario.

The first and most obvious danger is loneliness. We have to remember that most people get married for the companionship of someone they love. When that person leaves, even for a moment, it can create a void. If the marriage is already weakened and the character of the person experiencing the loneliness is not strong enough, they may find their companionship with someone of the opposite sex, which opens doors that no one cares to think about.

The second danger is abandonment. Usually, one person or the other can feel abandoned by their mate when separation occurs. The doubts that will most definitely come build one on top of the other and without proper communication, they will lead to more problems, and often more serious than the original issues of the marriage.

The third danger is the children. Children are always trapped in the middle of any issues involving mom and dad because they love them both, want to be with them both, and never want to have to decide between the two. When they are forced to choose, it puts them in a position they were never supposed to be in.

I don't advocate separation, though there are times when it is unavoidable. But before you leave, know what doors you're opening and what it'll mean to you and your family living apart.

Inspirational Quote for Today

2009-11-28T12:15:00.002-06:00

Great relationships aren't automatic. You have to work the kinks out, praying all the while that God changes YOU so that you can love like HE does, without regard to flaws!

When Your Marriage is in Trouble

2009-07-14T23:57:00.002-05:00

There's no use denying it, sometimes marriages have troubles. There are a variety of things that can and often does go wrong with a relationship. Sometimes, it can be as simple as one feeling unappreciated or as complex and heart-wrenching as infidelity. Either way, marital problems must be taken care of as soon as possible so that they do not destroy the marriage.

When your marriage is in trouble, the first thing you have to do is admit it. Don't be in denial when you have the best chance of fixing your problems- the early stages. The next step is to talk with your partner and find a solution to the problem, even if that means seeking outside help. Always remember, a conversation goes two ways. You need to talk, but also listen to your mate. If what you want to do is uncomfortable to your spouse, keep working until you find some common ground because problems won't fix themselves, and contrary to popular opinion, one mate sacrificing everything won't fix them either.

Remember that your marriage is important. Work on it like you would everything else you deem important in your life. We will stop eating various things to get in shape for a competition, we will run several miles to lose weight for a swimsuit, we will stay up all night listening to a friend talk about their problems, we will save for years, fully committed to getting that dream home, but most of us run away from our relationships at the first sign of trouble. We shouldn't run away, but run to it by being just as or more committed to it than any other entity in our lives.

The Great Exchange (A Couple's Exercise)

2009-05-04T06:11:00.000-05:00

Our couple's exercise for this week is called the great exchange. Very frequently, couples take each other for granted. As time passes, appreciation elapses into nothingness.

This week, practice showing genuine appreciate for one another. Take time to notice the things done for you by your spouse. Really pay attention. Then, listen for cues as to what you can do to make his/her day easier, or life less hectic. Do them, even if you don't want to. Within a week, you'll see a major improvement in your marriage.

A Tribute to Lensey

2009-05-02T22:00:00.003-05:00

It's been a little while that you've been away from me. I know that God is certainly using you where you are right now. I see the evidence meeting me at the mail box. Still, I miss you terribly bad, to the point of tears daily, because being without you is like trying to walk around with a broken foot.

Seems every year, we go through those moments of separation and then sweet reunions. I dare not complain because I knew I was marrying a special man of God whose gift would take him to places far and wide. Yet, if I could have but one selfish moment, I'd gladly give anything to be held by you right now, to pray with you, to seek God with you. You are such a strong man, someone who is constantly showing me how God expects us to behave in the middle of trials. I don't know when exactly it happened, but somewhere along the way, I think you became my stand-in with God. Now, you're where you are and I'm here rebuilding my own personal relationship without any stand-in. And all of that proves what I guess I've always known... you are the glue that holds everything together. You're the better part of my life.

I miss you very much, and since this note is very public, I won't say much more than to tell you I greatly appreciate all you have done for me. I appreciate your constant sacrifices. And most of all, I appreciate you being you. I love you, Mikey.

Security Alert - A Marriage Threat

2009-04-27T13:42:00.000-05:00

Security Alert! Security Alert!

One of the biggest issues with marriages during times of struggle is insecurity. Women tend to become more needy and less secure when their needs are not met. Men become more insecure in the marriage when their wives hassle them. Don't let the stress of living bring issues of insecurity into your marriage.

Take a moment out of each day to reassure each other. Ladies, your husband needs to know that you support him, even if he isn't in a position to take care of you like he once did. Men, your wives need to know that you are willing to fight with them for a happy marriage. They don't want to feel like they are alone in holding everything together.

Don't let the happenings of the world into your marriage. Keep it out with love and reassurance.

Lovemaking - Keeping it Real

2009-04-10T06:35:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm somewhat of a southern belle. I am never comfortable talking about sex. It's so personal. It's like using the restroom. Everyone does it, but no one with manners discusses it publicly. LOL!

Anyway, sex is a part of marriage. Many couples report that their sex life is a direct reflection of every other part of their relationship. And to be honest, for some, that is the biggest problem. Problems that happened outside of the bedroom are brought to the bed and couples turn their backs to one another. This can be a detriment.

Now, I'm not a believer that sex cures problems, but lack of sex definitely creates more of them. Women and men respond differently to outside stimuli. Men can be very upset (or many of them) but still function sexually with their wives, often times being much more open to working through issues after sex. Women are different. They can only respond appropriately when they feel like they are in a safe environment, or their needs are met. A man can have a disconnect notice and still perform. A woman, on the other hand, often times find her mind traveling to all that she need while sex is going on and gets nothing out of it.

In fact, more than one woman has went more than ten years without experiencing orgasms, or even pleasure. That is why we're not going to further discuss sex. We are going to talk about lovemaking, which is a different animal altogether. Lovemaking begins way before the bedroom comes into the picture. It is the simple things in life. It is the small thoughtful things a husband does, the sweet things a wife does. Lovemaking happens way less often than sex and marriages suffer daily. Today, decide you are going to go home and make love to your spouse. Start the moment you walk through the door. Don't go straight for the bedroom but begin on an emotional level. Today is your day to connect with your spouse.

Victorious in Unity

2009-04-09T22:25:00.000-05:00

While there are many things we cannot do alone, there are few things that a couple cannot do together with respect and unity of spirit. For unity to be real, you have to unite on several levels"

Unity of spirit - praying and studying the Word of God together
Unity of body - a healthy and passionate love life that is mutually satisfying
Unity of mind - sharing goals and creating a life plan together rather than apart

When a couple spends time uniting in this way, they will no doubt be victorious in every circumstance and in every way.

Loving Her

2009-04-03T08:29:00.000-05:00

Men, did you know that one thing your wife craves more than anything is your support? Women like to feel protected and loved in a marital relationship. They want to be free to be themselves. To love a woman is to listen to her. There's no way around it. No amount of gifts will replace your arms. No amount of money will be an adequate substitute for your listening ear.

I know that when you fall in love, you want to spoil your spouse. And, I'm not telling you to hold off on gifts. I am telling you to not expect them to replace YOU. If you married for love, she didn't marry your money. She didn't marry your assets. She married YOU. When a woman hurts, she wants YOU.

To love your wife, listen to what she says and care enough to discern the things she can't say. When you love her like this, you could go broke, you can become ill, you can have a string of bad luck, but she won't go anywhere.

Loving Him

2009-04-01T15:14:00.000-05:00

Loving your husband is not an exact science that you learn from books and study alone. It is something you learn from your husband himself. Yes, read what you can find. Yes, educate yourself. By all means, get marital advice when needed. But, none of that replaces the input of your spouse.

Learn to ask questions, wait on answers, and see the things your man may never be able to express. While reading books, don't forget to read your husband. Plan time to understand him. Make efforts to show him that you're into him.

I made a declaration long ago that I would be my husband's best friend. I am, even when I don't want to be. If he has a problem, even if it is me, we talk about it. Sometimes, we fuss about it. Every time, we work through it together. That is how you love your husband.

Infidelity, That Dirty Word

2009-03-15T12:11:00.000-05:00

As much as we'd like to talk about the good times only, it is an unfortunate fact that many marriages struggle with all kinds of problems. Infidelity is a very common one and also the most devastating for the couples that must deal with it. So, how do you repair the damage done when one party in the marriage steps outside of it and has an affair?

My husband and I minister to couples on a weekly basis. The majority are struggling with the issue of forgiveness after an adulterous relationship. The pain of betraying a spouse can have far-reaching consequences. Many couples never try again after the betrayal is found out about. But for those who choose to fight for their family, the battle sometimes wages much stronger against them with the passing of time.

If you're a part of a relationship that has been damaged with unfaithful behavior, the first step is forgiveness. You can't truly forgive if you see it only from the perspective of what was done to you. You need to see it in the light of God's truth. We all make mistakes. We all fail in some area or another. Though we are inexcusable when we break hearts, it is unreasonable to believe a person can be perfect. Therefore, the first step to forgiving is to look at infidelity like you would any other heartbreaking mistake. See it has a flaw in your spouse's character. See it as something that is attacking you both. Understand the spiritual significance of infidelity. Realize that both of you are going through different struggles. It may hurt to imagine your spouse desiring someone else. It may hurt to hear them tell you what they desire that you don't supply. It's going to be painful, but it can be overcome.

Lastly, remember that saying "I forgive" is the same as saying "I won't bring it up again" to your spouse. Don't throw it up in the heat of an argument. Choose to deal with your pain in a productive way. Rather than argue, discuss what you're feeling when you're feeling it and ask for what you want. That goes a long way towards rebuilding all that is lost when infidelity happens.

Uncertainty

2009-03-12T10:11:00.000-05:00

When it comes to love, we should never say never. It is a fact of life that most of us do things we said we'd never do. We don't do things we always promised we would. Life is uncertain. That uncertainty will invade your marriage at some point. That doesn't mean you should question your marriage. Rather, you should rethink your position in the marriage and make sure you are still putting in as much or more than you expect to receive.

Never say what you won't do. When you love your mate, you will learn to do the things that the mate loves to do, or at the very least appreciate it. Don't make 100% guaranteed promises when you don't know what's up the road. Make positive declarations, but know that times will come when you miss the mark you aimed for. Then, neither party is devastated by shortcomings.

Repair Your Foundation

2009-02-05T12:23:00.002-06:00

I'm a firm believer that foundation matters most. When I look at crumbling marriages, often I see cracks in the foundation. Someone got caught up. They didn't dig deep enough to build a solid foundations. They didn't level the ground like they should have. They weren't careful when pouring the cement. So, the marriage is now in jeopardy because it got off on the wrong foot.

One great thing about marriage, unlike buildings, you can always go back and repair what has been damaged. If both parties are willing, there is no pain too great to heal, particularly if there is a faith relationship with God involved. Of course, I'm not talking about the hideous things that happen like rape, molestation or such. I'm talking about those everyday nagging pests that hinder you and your spouse from bonding and forming a real union.

In our book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal, my husband and I explore the issues of going back to the beginning and starting over. It is possible, and can be a wonderful experience. If you're married, don't give up because you're tired, frustrated and angry. Fight harder and determine within yourself that your spouse and family are worth fighting for - even if you must fight yourself or by yourself for awhile.

Where is He? The Perfect Man

2009-01-29T21:35:00.004-06:00

I imagine that most women my age are over the idea of a perfect man. Still, it behooves me to get into that anyway. I've listened to women complain about their husbands for years. He's either not "this" enough, or he's too "that" all the time. It's amazing really if you log our complaints according to importance, most of them wouldn't even rank a one. Yet, those complaints can drive a wedge between the husband and his wife quicker than you can bat your eyelashes.

Who is this perfect man women seek? Is he tall, dark and handsome? Is he intelligent, someone who knows everything about everything? Is he humble? Or, does his confidence fill a room as soon as he enters in? What does this man look like? What does he smell like? What do you imagine he feels like? How does his voice sound? What tune does his heart make in your ear when you lay your head upon his chest? In fact, the biggest question of the night is WHERE is this man?

I don't frankly believe in perfect people. I especially don't believe in the "perfect" man. Maybe that's because I'm not the "perfect" woman. However, I do believe in the perfect man for ME. I believe that whoever you're married to is the perfect man for you. If you erase the familiarity of him being your husband, it brings you right back to when he was your crush. It brings you back to when he was your "Boo" as some say. It brings you right back to when you could focus on nothing but him. It brings you back to when you actually believed he was your knight in shining armor, or whatever it was you most desired back then. Without the familiarity, the man you married is the same one you used to obsess over pleasing. He's the same one whose voice made you melt into a puddle of goo. Yes, that man you married is that same guy who could make you blush just by looking at you too long. Don't you remember? He's "THE ONE!"

Where is this perfect man? Where is he? He sleeps right beside me every night. I'm sure most of you, if you really consider what I just wrote, will feel the same way about your perfect man... He's right there beside you!

Marriage Lessons from Yosemite Sam

2009-01-22T16:29:00.004-06:00

Of course the title to this post may seem quite hilarious, but hear me out before you start laughing your head off.

In marriage, many have a tendency to say things that tear down their spouses. Tempers erupt. Words are unleashed like a starving lion upon unsuspecting prey. Unfortunately, once they come out, you can't put them back in. I have a very sharp tongue at times. It seems almost impossible for me to shut my mouth when I'm angry. So, I had to come up with something fast. I didn't want to hurt my husband. But what could I do? I needed some help, and guess who was there for me with my answer? Yep, Yosemite Sam!

Notice how when he's angriest, nothing comprehensible comes out of his mouth. Instead, he shouts off a ton of akwardly arranged syllables. One day in the middle of a heated discussion, I wanted to say something mean, but pulled a Yosemite Sam instead. My husband and I looked at one another and immediately started laughing. We still laugh when I do that. For some reason, it doesn't yet annoy him, and it genuinely helps me say only something good... or unintelligible. LOL! Try it and see if it won't work.

Marriage Demands Sacrifice

2009-01-06T13:39:00.002-06:00

Contrary to popular opinion, being married requires sacrifice on behalf of each person involved. Both parties have to be willing to give themselves over to an institution bigger than self. Though there is nothing more wonderful than a happily married couple, there's also nothing that requires more persistence than two people maintaining that happiness.

Marriage is meant to last until death. It's supposed to be permanent. If that's the case, petty issues are not worth damaging a lasting relationship, are they? Why argue about the toilet seat and socks and clothing being left all over the floor? Why argue and say hateful things to one another about who does the most work around the house? It's petty and can cause damage that lasts well beyond the moment it takes to say hurtful things.

To build your marriage, you need to be willing to sacrifice your opinions. You need to sacrifice your pet peeves, even. You need to sacrifice your desires sometimes too. This is marriage. It is a lifetime of sacrifices that pay off with peace, togetherness, love and trust.

We're Over at Comfort and Support Today!

2008-10-05T12:12:00.001-05:00

Today, we had a spectacular interview over at Comfort and Support with Vicky Warren. Don't miss this interview and leave a comment for a chance to win.

More Stops Coming

2008-10-05T11:14:00.000-05:00

October 10
Free Spirit (Marvin Wilson)
http://inspiritandtruths.blogspot.com/

October 13-14
Virtual Book Tours (Karina Fabian)
http://virtualbooktourdenet.blogspot.com/

October 15-18
Books and Authors (Joyce Anthony)
http://joyceanthony.tripod.com/blog

October 20
On Assignment (Linda Beed)
http://lindabeed.blogspot.com/

October 24
Sips N Cups Cafe (Peggy B. Phifer)
http://www.sipsncupscafe.com/

The Pressure to Perform!

2008-10-01T15:14:00.005-05:00

When was the last time you felt so much pressure in your relationship that you were about to explode. The pressure to pay bills, feed your family, put clothes on their back, please your spouse, and seek the Lord...not a pleasant feeling huh? It's hard, but as a man it must be done.

God made us head of the household for a reason. We must do what it takes to provide even in tough times. Men, this is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have pressures we can't understand. We need shoulders to cry on and times to release our hurt and pain.

I use to think that keeping it in was the macho thing to do. Men don't cry. We don't show emotions. We must stay hard and reserved, but that's not the case. We have to learn to to talk too. Tell your spouse what's on your mind, what pressures you deal with, and get that stuff off of your chest! It will literally kill you mentally and spiritually. When was the last time you sat down and had a heart to heart talk with your spouse? I mean some real bonding time. Well, let today be different. Open up and talk to your wife. Tell her what you deal with mentally and allow God to heal both of you where the pressure is.

God Bless each of you.

Lensey Hayes

Sharing Life

2008-10-01T13:08:00.002-05:00

Marriage is about sharing your life with someone else. You share your love, your passion, your desires and your resources. You share your fears and your dreams. That is marriage.

When you have a husband or wife, you have someone with you that can say they were there when you were low and when you soared. They were there when you fell and when you got back up. You have someone who won't laugh at your pain, but who will apply healing salve, a bandaid and prayer. That is marriage.

When you join yourself to another, you gain the wealth of knowledge and experience brought in by your mate. You gain extra counsel for times when decisions must be made. Though sometimes it can feel like a thorn stuck in your flesh, more times than not, that extra voice of reason keeps you grounded. That is marriage.

Don't be afraid to share your life with your spouse. They deserve all of you. Take it from us, when you make that choice, you open a door to something that words will never accurately describe.

Lacresha Hayes
http://learntofeelpretty.blogspot.com
(Dedicated to Erica and John Newton)

Catch Us at This is My Life

2008-09-28T15:24:00.001-05:00

Today, I'm being interviewed at This is My Life by Erica Newton. Check it out.

http://ericanewton.blogspot.com

Close Out Report

2008-09-27T23:00:00.000-05:00

Today has been a full day just managing all the comments and cups to pull from. I wish you all could have won something, but your chances aren't over. We are filled up for the month of October. We'll be giving out paragraphs here and there as teasers. We're going to give something away at every stop.

Today, the blog broke 100 unique visits in one day, which is a big deal for us because this blog is still so very young. I just installed the Sitemeter and I'm happy I did.

I want to thank my family for their support in supplying nearly all the gifts. They were a huge blessing. I want to thank all my faithful Pretty, Prosperous, Powerful followers who ventured over here to show support. Tomorrow, it'll be business as usual, but tomorrow also kicks off our blog tour. We'll keep updates at all our blogs. Keep us in prayer.

I'd like to thank my husband, Lensey, who is also my publisher at Living Waters Publishing Company. He sacrificed a full work day to help me manage this book launch. Saturdays are full days for him. So, thanks darling. Love to everyone!

Karen Tims, a Grand Prize Winner

2008-09-27T21:18:00.001-05:00

Karen,

You made it here quick after the Twitter announcement. You were the first to comment, and it only took seven minutes between reading at Twitter and getting something posted. For that, you get the $100 Victoria's Secret gift card.

3 Romantic Tips

2008-09-27T19:50:00.002-05:00

As a married couple, your romantic relationship needs to be healthy, and believe it or not, God desires for both of you to be fulfilled in one another. Here are three tips:

1) Talk about the things you want from one another. Discuss your sexual desires, romantic desires, etc. Your spouse won't know if you don't tell them. Don't expect them to be mindreaders.

2) Make a game out of one upping each other in the area of romance. See who can get up earlier to make breakfast in bed, or who can get home from work first and make the other a bubble or milk bath. Things like that make coming home fun and gets the engines reved up.

3) Take walks together. Talk to one another about something other than bills and kids while you walk. Maybe even hold hands. Think about the last time you saw an older couple holding hands in public. It probably gave you a warm, fuzzy feeling. It's not sexual, but it is romantic and sweet. you need it all in a marriage.

Third Prize, a Purchaser's Prize Goes to...

2008-09-27T18:26:00.001-05:00

The third prize, a $25 Frederick's of Hollywood gift card, goes to .....................

GLORIA MARTIN

We'll need your mailing address. Please send an email to preacha1975@yahoo.com or lenseyh@yahoo.com

What Are Your Marriage Pointers

2008-09-27T17:31:00.001-05:00

As a married woman or man, give us some of the things that makes your marriage better. Share your pointers.

Q&A with Lacresha Hayes

2008-09-27T16:00:00.000-05:00

Q: What makes your book special?

A: It's easy to understand and apply. There's not a lot of psycho babble like most. This is real people talking about real issues. There's biblical reference, mostly Song of Solomon, one of the most beautiful books in the Bible. There's stories from real people. It's just a great tool because it combines the best of all things marriage related.

Q: Did you and your husband find any vulnerable areas in your marriage as a result of this book?

A: Yep. We were able to repair several things that we hadn't paid much attention to before. We were able to identify some communication issues and get it fixed up. It was just an all around blessing, as my husband has said.

Q: Give us a run down of what to expect in the book.

A: Well, there's a couple's section, a women's section, a men's section, stories from real couples, and intimate exercises. It is jammed with tips, ideas, hard truth, and opportunities for personal and corporate growth. You can expect to come away from the book with your eyes wide open.

Q&A with Lensey Hayes

2008-09-27T07:44:00.004-05:00

Q: What was your inspiration in being a co-author in this book?

A: My wife and I have a strong relationship, but it didn't happen automatically. Those first months were extremely hard. I was unprepared and I figured that had to be why so many marriages fail. Once we got it together through the Word of God, utilizing what is written, I realized that I needed to share what we'd seen work, not just for us but for others.

Q: Has the book changed your marriage from the time you started writing until you finished the book?

A: Definitely. We had to learn even more from each other because we were writing a book together. We had hundreds of discussion points come up while combining our ideas and knowledge. We both got a deeper understanding of one another. We're better for the book. If we didn't make a dime from sales, I like what happened between us personally during the writing process.

Q: What has been your biggest hurdle to clear in marriage?

A: There were a lot for me, but the biggest would be taking full responsibility for my family. Coming from being a single, young man into a family with a teenager, I wasn't prepared to be a dad at all. I wasn't as ready as I thought I was. However, I wasn't about to give up. I'm not a quitter and it's worked for me in marriage. It's not for quitters, that's certain.

Q: What role does the Bible play in your marriage?

A: Everything is the short answer. We allow it to guide us constantly. When we mess up, we go back to the Bible. I'll share a life truth with you that will never change. If we could just possess and utilize the fruit of the Spirit, we'll have everything we need to make our marriages successful, and any other relationship.

Q: Give us one piece of advice.

A: Short answer, you can't be selfish. The unit is more important than selfish ambition. Put your spouse second only to God and your marriage will work out every time.

Welcome to the Book Launch Party

2008-09-27T07:29:00.003-05:00

We are delighted to be launching our book, Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal. This book is a super special marriage-building tool.

Summary: Weddings happen in a day, but building a happy and healthy marriage takes a lifetime and much diligence. It takes sacrifice and love, understanding and patience, all of which is are traits that must be developed. This book is about developing the traits necessary to have a successful marriage.

Most couples don't get married with the intention of getting a divorce one day, but sadly most people have experienced at least one failed marriage. This book helps prevent that by teaching couples how to relate to one another.

This book has it all, marriage advice, stories from real couples, scriptural references, discussion points, and a question/answer/journal section for couples to identify their strengths and weaknesses and make adjustments.

Today, we make a big push for a book that we believe can help revolutionize your marriage.

Finding Balance by Guest Blogger, Heather Thompson

2008-09-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

Balance. Why is that so hard to achieve? As a stay-at-home and work-at-home mom of 2, I struggle with that daily. I'm a child of God, a wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister, business owner, Sunday school teacher…you get the idea. And chances are you wear just as many hats if not more. So what is the one thing that unfortunately so many times falls by the wayside? Our marriages.

When you spend all day serving others and wearing all those different hats, at the end of the day all you want to do is relax and have a little time for yourself. But for me, that seems to be the only time of the day I get to spend uninterrupted quality time with my husband. After the kids are in bed, chores done, lunches made for the next day, this “leftover” part of my day and myself is what my husband gets. But at this point in my life, this is the best part of the day for us to be together and commit some time to the single most important earthly relationship we’ll ever have – our marriage.

I am by no means an expert on marriage. I have been married 11 ½ years and am very proud of how far we have come. I was brought up to honor my vows and I intend to do just that, no matter what it takes. My mom has always told me, “In your marriage you will have many ups & downs and fall in and out of love many times.” She & my dad had been married for 50 years when he passed away almost 3 years ago. And you know what…she was right! How do people commit to marriage and think it’s going to be a bed of roses for the next 50 plus years? We are human, we change, life changes. But as a Christian who said my vows before God I intend to stick with the “for better or worse” part.

So how do I find balance when it comes to life, my marriage, and my children? I try to focus daily on my priorities…God 1st & Family 2nd. I have found if I try to base every decision whether big or small, each day, on those 2 things, then everything else falls into place. Trying to balance life and balance it well can be a challenge. If I can just remember each day to put God 1st and family 2nd, then life will find its balance.

Written by Heather Thompson

http://www.thegiftcloset.blogspot.com
http://www.blueeyedblondies.blogspot.com

Couple's Corner ~ September 23

2008-09-23T10:42:00.002-05:00

Today's couple's corner is the "A Mile in My Shoes" exercise

Today, try to put yourself in your spouse's shoes. If the wife normally cooks today. Let the husband do it, even if everyone knows he can't cook. Believe me, there's nothing like a burnt meal to make a man appreciate his wife. If the husband would normally take out the trash or mow the lawn, let the wife do it.

These exercises help couples appreciate what the other adds to the family unit. It's more than using imagination. It's now getting the experience and understanding that each person is necessary and each person brings something important to the marriage.

If You're Going to Strive...

2008-09-21T21:08:00.003-05:00

If you are going to strive, strive together with your husband/wife. Amazingly, even in a time when everyone seems to be driven and goal oriented, couples are often striving for two different things, or the same things in different ways. They are wearing themselves out and all the while feeling unappreciated and alone. Which all brings me to this post.

Imagine being physically tied to someone. He wants to go east. She wants to go west. They both take off going two different directions. What happens next is one reason many couples experience friction in their lives. The line in the rope tightens as they pull in two different directions. Then, it becomes a battle of strength. The strongest one ends up dragging the weaker one. How far and how long do you think they'll make it? More importantly, how long do you think it'll take before bitterness takes over?

If you gotta strive, do it together. Sit down and discuss your plans, goals and fears. Make a singular plan for your family and work that thing together, doing the same things or at least working in harmony with one another until you've accomplished your goals. That way, no one is unnecessarily bitter or tired. Both parties know they have someone who is in this fight with them. The bond grows closer, forming something many will never understand - self-sacrificing love.

Copyright 2008 (All Rights Reserved)

Book Launch Giveaways

2008-09-19T12:59:00.004-05:00

On September 27, we will have a book launch party here online. We want it to be a celebration for all those who show up. Below is a list of giveaways for the book launch party and how to win them.

Grand Prize ~ $100 Victoria Secret gift card

(given to one lucky purchaser of the book)

Other Prizes:

~ $10 Walmart gift card

(to one commenter)

~ $25 Walmart gift card

(to one commenter)

~ $25 Frederick's of Hollywood gift card

(to one lucky purchaser of the book)

~ $50 Frederick's of Hollywood gift card

(to one lucky purchaser of the book)

~ $50 Victoria Secret gift card

(to one lucky purchaser of the book)

~ Victoria's Secret Dream Angels Heavenly Must-Have Bag with Scents- $39.50 value

(to one commenter)

Truth and Intimacy Book Launch and Blog Tour Kickoff

2008-09-18T21:40:00.010-05:00

The online Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal Book Launch Party will be on September 27, all day long on this blog. We will giveaway various virtual door prizes to the attendees. Our book will be marked down that day for on-the-spot orders. It's going to be a blast!

Our blog book tour will also begin. Below are a few of our scheduled stops:

September 28

This is My Life (Erica Newton)

http://ericanewton.blogspot.com

September 29

Debbie's Daily Doings (Debbie Todd)

http://debbietodd.blogspot.com

September 30

High Powered Woman (Alicia Grimes)

http://highpoweredwoman.blogspot.com

October 1-2

Ron Berry

http://unwriter1.wordpress.com/

October 4

WritePublishMarket Blog

http://wpmgroup.blogspot.com

October 7

Comfort and Support (Vicky Warren)

http://comfortandsupport.blogspot.com

October 10

Free Spirit (Marvin Wilson)

http://inspiritandtruths.blogspot.com/

October 13-14

Virtual Book Tours (Karina Fabian)

http://virtualbooktourdenet.blogspot.com/

October 15-18

Books and Authors (Joyce Anthony)

http://joyceanthony.tripod.com/blog

October 20

On Assignment (Linda Beed)

http://lindabeed.blogspot.com/

October 24

Sips N Cups Cafe (Peggy B. Phifer)

http://www.sipsncupscafe.com/

We will keep you updated and abreast of any changes right here, so stay tuned in.

Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal Has a New Cover

2008-09-17T08:30:00.000-05:00

We are so delighted about our new and improved cover for Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal. We feel this one better accentuates the message inside the book. It is more appealing overall. Leave us some feedback.

Truth

2008-09-16T15:46:00.005-05:00

Someone recently asked us the reason for truth being in the title when much of the book is about building intimacy. Truth is the beginning of intimacy, rather trust is the beginning and has its beginnings in truth.

We've all had those people in our lives who were so brutally honest that we avoided them like the plague unless we needed to get an honest opinion. We might not always like what they say, but those people can be trusted because they are honest, even to their own hurt. While marital truth need not be harsh or brutal, it does need a certain die-hard, sold out to the cause of honesty effect.

Marriage is not a temporary thing. It's permanent. How can two people who'll be together the rest of their lives live peacefully with all kinds of secrets and hidden agendas? It can't. From the beginning until the end of your marriage, truth should be an integral part of everything else.

Celebrating My Wife

2008-09-15T16:37:00.005-05:00

When we were just dating, I couldn't keep my eyes off that beautiful woman in the picture. She made me happy. She made me feel daring. She let me be who I was. That's why I married her. Every time I see that picture, I remember how she turned me into putty with her baby voice and soft touch. I celebrate that woman then and the one she is now. I'm a blessed guy.

You have to do the same. Think about who she was and who she is now. You could have married hundreds of other women, but she grabbed your heart. Why? Whatever it was, don't let that die. Don't let yourself see her differently. And, don't allow a foreign woman to blind you to what you truly have, men!

An Excerpt to Feast Upon

2008-09-02T15:38:00.000-05:00

There comes a time in marriage when you must forcefully call to remembrance the former things because the pressures of life have drowned them out. People sometimes forget what made them fall in love and choose the mate they now have. Wives forget how charming their husbands once were. Husbands get accustomed to clean houses and meals on the table and forget how life was without their wives. But there was a time. Yes, there was!

There was a time when the sight of your wife made you feel excited and more complete both inside and out; when the sight of your husband made your knees weak. There was a time when a smile melted your heart and sweet nothings were your breakfast and supper. There was a time when getting up an hour early for your spouse was a reasonable request. In fact, it was an honor because you loved your mate so much. You thought about your wife all day long at work. You thought of your husband and eagerly awaited his return home. You both feasted on the other’s smile, words, hugs and kisses. Those are the times that should never die.

Alas, some things seem to die all too quickly. They seem to drown in a pool of responsibilities, disappointments and pain. It seems as if those were the good old days, ones that it takes effort to even remember. It may even seem like a distant memory of another lifetime. But, it wasn’t. It was you and the person of you now have. It was you and the one you couldn’t see yourself living without. It was this man and this woman, the two who are reading this book together. What happened to you both? How did you ever slip so far away from one another that you no longer appreciate the beauty, the "fairness" in Solomon's words, of each other?

Excerpt from Truth and Intimacy: A Couple's Journal

(unedited)

Pre-order now at http://store.livingwaterspc.com

Couple's Corner ~ August 26th

2008-08-26T07:46:00.000-05:00

Today's couple's corner is all about compliments. Today, you and your spouse need to make a pact that neither of you will say anything mean or derogatory about one another. No calling each other lazy. No calling each other inconsiderate. Today, you will both compliment each other all day long. Feel like you run out, get creative.

If one spouse fails, the other must keep it going. This builds the other spouse up and shows them that their mistakes won't affect how you feel about them or your commitment to celebrate them.

I've seen this work in my own home and it will work in yours.

How We Operate

2008-08-23T10:39:00.001-05:00

Here's now we operate:

Monday - Men's day and the posts on this day will be for and about men

Tuesday - Couple's day with posts dedicated to couples

Wednesday - Family day with posts dedicated to families

Thursday - Love day

Friday - Grab Bag

Saturday - Women's day

The Beauty of a Wife

2008-08-07T16:29:00.000-05:00

The beauty of having a wife is knowing that someone loves you for who you are and who you will become. A wife, a help measured out for you, is a special gift from God. While we do not worship the gift, we do appreciate it and take good care of it. God expects us to be good stewards of what He's given. He's given us wives, those beautiful little people who remind us of things we're trying to forget, keep us honest, keep us grounded, and keep us alive. He's given us wives, those little creatures who make miracles happen in the kitchen, in the delivery room, in the office and in the bedroom. He's given us wives, and favor.

Song of Solomon

2008-08-06T15:54:00.000-05:00

Many people mistakenly believe Song of Solomon is simply about relationship here, but it is an analogy. Remember, God told man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. In the book of Song of Solomon, we see the love of Christ in action before His death. We get a picture of a passionate love reciprocated both ways. WOW!

We believe all married couples should read this book at least three times over the course of their lives. It takes that much just to pull out the beauty and power of the love expressed throughout it.

I'm a MAN!

2008-08-02T14:33:00.000-05:00

There's something special about being a leader. I thank God that He trusted men enough to give us authority and dominion. He trusted us with the world and all the stuff in it. Then, he gave us wives to help us when we're weak.

Being a man is a task, a duty, a responsibility, a joy, a double-edged sword. I'm a man and proud that God gave me time to figure out what it means to be one.

See Her

2008-08-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

When was the last time you saw your wife? I'm not talking about her being visible. I mean see her with another man's eyes.

Do you remember when you loved the curve of her hips? You oogled her butt. You rubbed her thighs. You played in her hair. You sniffed her perfume. You held her and committed to memory how she smelled and how she felt. Do you remember when she wasn't yours? Just because you're used to her doesn't mean she's changed.

You need to see your wife, really see her like someone else would. That will keep you from taking advantage of her.

Steal Away

2008-07-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

Every blue moon, my wife and I have to steal away from everything and be together. I'm not speaking of being in the same place. I'm not even speaking of the nightly or weekly mandatory sex. I'm talking about a time for us to refresh each other emotionally, physically and sexually.

Unfortunately, we live in a sex-crazed society. There are half-naked women on nearly every television station, billboard or street corner you see. And men, unfortunately, are sometimes sight driven creatures. It takes a strong love for God and devotion to wife to stay clean of the mess that is everywhere you step. When our love tanks are empty, the trial multiplies in strength. However, we cannot blame it all on our wives.

Men, we have to express ourselves. I'm always patient with my wife, but I'm also honest. I tell her when I need her to minister to me in the way only she can. I tell her when I need to be held and loved and complimented and built up. And, I trust that she loves me enough to make a sacrifice to keep our home fires burning strong. This is what I mean by stealing away.

When was the last time you took your wife and ran off with her for a few hours or a few days? There's some things you just can't replenish in the hours after work when children and friends are around, or right before bed when everyone is exhausted. Some people call it a vacation, but we call it stealing away. You should make an appointment for intimacy with your spouse today and steal away for a little while.

Simple Request

2008-07-19T01:56:00.000-05:00

Today, I have a simple request. While at work, call your wife just to tell her you love her. Tell her that you're thinking about her. Tell her you appreciate her. Tell her that you're a blessed man to have her. Then, make an appointment to do that at least once a week. She needs to hear it and you need to learn to say it. I won't even get into the benefits. In fact, after you've done it, if you're so inclined, come back and leave us a comment about the benefits of appreciating the wife you have.

Understanding Moods

2008-07-11T17:47:00.000-05:00

Sometimes in marriage, we tend to take things personal that are anything but. Couples need to learn how to understand moods. Moods are not always caused by outside stimuli. Even when they are, that stimuli is not normally marriage related.

There are three things couples should make a regular part of their relationship:

1~ Always give the other party room to breathe and unwind before confronting them with home issues if at all possible

2~ Never become offended or paranoid when your mate does not want to talk

3~ Learn what relaxes your spouse and try to give them that several times a week